Monday, January 6, 2014

Ramblings of A Single Mom

"Emma and I have been married 38 years.  We've had our amazing moments and there were times when we were miserable.  But I am wiser because of it and I love better because of it."

"Shannon and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary"

I'm happy.  I'm content.  I date, I love, and I end the relationship when we've decided it was the best thing to do.  At the end of the day it's really just the kids and me.  We are a good, strong family.  My priorities are healthy.  My career is fulfilling.  My pets are warm additions to our little unit.  I'm doing a good job. 

I'm a good person.

I love deeply.

I challenge myself to work on my weaknesses.

I consistently keep my eye on something steady to keep myself from falling.

I read a blog the other day, written by a man who is in search of a mate.  He wrote a blog about single moms and argued why men should stay away from them.  We tend to put our children before our boyfriend.  At first I was offended; his post seemed to be filled with contempt for single moms.  And then I took myself out of my way and re-read the blog and I realized he was really just expressing a desire for a single woman whom could have his children one day.  He wanted to share that joy, experience bringing a child into the world with the woman he loved.  And I thought, he just wants what we all want.  Not to settle.

I read an article about what men to avoid like the plague.  It spoke about mama's boys, players, jobless wanderers, and more.  I found myself thinking, well doesn't every man fit one of those categories?  Then I took myself out of my way again and told myself that maybe not every man fell under one of those toxic categories.  I remembered my brother and how good a man he is to his wife and children, to his mom and sisters.  I remembered my friends who have been married to their wives for 38 and 25 years.  I thought, maybe there really is a good guy out there who wants to commit and be a family man.  Maybe there is someone out there for me who will lead his family with love and honor.

Being single really does get lonely.  Who doesn't want to sleep in the arms of a warm companion?  Who doesn't want a best friend who is also your husband?  It gets lonely watching other couples  holding hands in public and knowing that I don't have that.  


I am in the best place I have ever been in my life.  I am so grateful for what my God has blessed me with every day.  

I am going to raise my boys to be men, not mama's boys, not players, not jobless, not loveless.  They will be strong and tender at the same time.  They will be responsible.  They will love deeply, yet wisely.  When I left their father, he said, "If she raises those kids without me, they're going to turn out to be sissies."  He couldn't have been more wrong.  They are going to be humble and honorable.  They are going to be good husbands to their wives and wonderful father to their children.  

Someone once told me she was going to raise her son to be a narcissist so that he will be guaranteed success.  She doesn't know that the success she's dreaming of is empty, loveless, and he will hate himself.  I will raise my children to get back up after they've fallen, to shed tears when their heart is broken, and to fight for what is right and to defend their families.  As adults, they will not depend on me to make the right choices. They may ask for guidance but I will never make them lifeless without me.  When they date, they will keep me at a distance so that they will love deeply, the way they should.  

The only man I will bring into their lives will be one who will teach them these things alongside me.  

I am right where I need to be.  And I am happy.  I get lonely, but I am well-blessed.  I am patient.


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