Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Dream Guy

I remember when my dream guy had a face.  Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.  Some girls have a blonde haired, blue eyed, tanned body dream guy.  Some liked the dark haired mysterious guys.  Mine had that messy long brown hair that was pulled back in a low pony tail.  He was tanned and tall.  He had a stubble on his face.  He was bold, daring and deeply in love with me.  Yes, he was a character in my favorite romance novel.  Gosh, I’m such a girl.

Now, I’m a single mom of two little guys and I still have my dream guy.  He doesn’t have a face anymore.  Okay, okay I’m madly in lust with Mark Harmon (YUMM).  And yeah, I sure do have a thing for George Clooney.  But my dream guy?  The guy I want to marry?  He is more than just a face.  He has a heart.  And I’ve come to realize over the years that when you put a face on your dream guy, or in other words go after men just for their superficial qualities, you don’t ever get what you actually want or need from your dream guy.

My dream guy is a man after God’s heart.  He is a Christian, and he won’t ever be perfect but he will love me like Christ loves the church.  And that love is a verb, not just a name to a feeling.  He will protect me, guide me and treat me kindly.  He will raise our children to love Christ and walk the Christian life.  He will be the head of the household, top of the hierarchy in our home, but will never treat us as slaves nor will he lie or keep secrets.  He loves to read his bible and discuss with me our thoughts about what we’ve learned. 
But having a dream guy isn’t just about “having” a dream guy.  It’s about visualizing a partner and since it is, it comes with visualizing what our relationship will be.  It means learning what it takes to be a good partner for this dream guy.

God made Eve for Adam.  He made her to be his friend, helpmate and companion.  She is submissive to him.  Submission.  Don’t we ladies cringe at that word?  It’s been abused for so many years that when we hear it, we stand taller with our chin in the air and defend our women’s rights.  But submission isn’t something to fear or hate, I believe it is exactly what the bible teaches us—to be alpha-female in the household.  To be the man’s co-pilot and Second in Command.  We women are our dream guy’s treasure, his companion and without us he is incomplete.  We submit to him, not the way a dog cowers before its master, but as a queen looks up to her king.  As his queen, I’m quite important to my dream guy.

My dream guy looks to me for guidance just as I look to him.  He is a man accountable for the spiritual wholeness of his family and he cannot do it on his own.  He trusts in me, shows me love and affection.  He needs me.  God made us different for such a beautiful reason!  The man is protective, responsible and logical while the woman is nurturing, intelligent and kind.  Together, we make one powerful couple! 

Take an expensive car, for example.  Say, a Ferrari!  This car is wicked fast, powerful and gorgeous.  It is wonderful to look at and watch.  But it does no good without a driver-- a responsible driver, knowledgeable of what it takes to maintain this beast of a vehicle.  The driver pays a heft price for tires, good oil and expensive parts.  If you haven’t gotten it by now, I’m pretty much saying that my dream guy is like a Ferrari and he needs one fantastic driver to make him do what Ferraris are meant to do.

A man after God’s heart is an awesome follower of Christ.  He has the Holy Spirit living in him.  When people are in his presence, they know something is special about him.  It’s not because he’s physically beautiful nor is it because he’s good at his job.  It’s in the way he treats others.  It’s in his loyalty to God and his family.  It is in his forgiveness and grace.  His wife stands strong beside him, supportive and encouraging.  He treats her as if she was his queen.  He is faithful to her and never turns his back on her.  And she loves him by treating him as if he were the most important thing to her beneath God. 

You may not believe the same things I do.  And that’s okay.  I’m just talking about my dream guy.  Of course I’d love to know that every woman wants a Christian man, but I’m not writing this to try to convert you.  I write this because for so long I’ve had this dream of having a man in my life who loves me with all his heart.  That dream was filled with romantic fantasy.  But now, after being saved through Christ, I want a man who will only build me up in my relationship with God.  I want a man who won’t be melancholy in his faith.  He has to burn with desire for Christ.  If he isn’t a man after God’s heart, he will simply distract me from my God or pull me away from Him.  And after knowing God, I will not be torn from His arms by some handsome, charming guy.

I made a promise to God, my kids and myself that if I ever get married again it will be with a man I will not divorce.  My family will never be perfect, but we will be right with God.  We will be strong!

I hope that whomever your dream guy is, that he is not someone whom you’ve deemed made specifically and only for your own selfish pleasure.  I pray that he is someone who will love you.  I hope that your dream guy will be more than you’ve hoped and prayed for.  And that you both will be one powerful couple.

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