Thursday, September 19, 2013

Why Christianity Is A Problem For Single Me

To some I am worth a kiss.
To some I am worth a one night stand.
To some I am worth only friendship.
To some I am worth monogamy.
To some I am worth a drive.
To some I am worth cheating on their wives.
To some I am worth a poem.
To some I am worth a picture.
But to none am I worth commitment.
To none am I worth marriage.
To none I am worth fighting for.
And I am not okay with this
as I once was.
And that is why Christianity is a problem.
Before Christ saved me, I was okay with eating the scraps off the table of relationships.  I was so desperate for "love" that I took whatever I could get.  But Christ revealed to me how valuable I am.  And I am no longer okay with sleazy men.  I am no longer okay with flings. 

Christ has cleaned my list of things I'm okay with.  He has made me refuse to settle.  And I'm left feeling as if no one in the world is left.  And that is my problem with Christianity.

But is it a problem, really?  Sometimes I think it makes being happy hard.  But happiness is conditional, so why settle for that?  Sometimes it makes me lonely.  But that is where my God has given me friends, family, and Himself.  Sometimes it makes me lose hope.  But God is working on a thing called patience and has promised that with patience comes joy - something that is not conditional... unless it excludes Him. 

I guess if Christianity is a problem, it is because it means I have to work toward my "one day" instead of settling for less and wishing I didn't.  It is a problem because less men will find me attractive... but if they haven't found God, then they haven't really seen me and how beautiful God has made me. 

I suppose it is only a problem because I choose to no longer be led by my skin.  My God loves me more than any man ever has and ever will.  And I feel that love more than I feel the sultry words of a love poem, more than I feel the excitement of a lustful kiss, and more than I feel in a lie that sounds as sweet as the truth I wish it was.

I am okay with the problem of Christianity.  Because my God has a love for me so big that it is unfathomable.  He has a love for me that I sometimes wonder why He feels I am worth it.  He has a love for me that no man can ever provide.  And as much as the loneliness can hurt sometimes, I believe that my Father is sitting beside me waiting for me to feel His embrace.

Christianity is my filter.  My faith helps me see through the skin in search of God in others.

I think Christianity is a problem... for mankind who cannot see past the fleshly desires of the world. 

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ,
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
-- Maya Angelou


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