Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Little Things

You know, sometimes it's the little things that can make a bad day get ten times better.
This morning was absolutely stressful. I was running late. The kids were being uncooperative, feeding off of my tension I guess. Caden was just not wanting anything to do with listening to Mommy. He wanted a diaper (he's been potty trained for maybe a month or two now) and Sean wouldn't stop rolling while I was trying to change his diaper. Then Sean wanted to follow me everywhere, whining the entire way. Caden didn't want to put his pants on- he wanted to watch Harry Potter.
The dogs both ran out from my backyard through the hole they dug under the fence. When they finally came back, they tracked black mud through my carpet and when they decided to shake their coats dry, black mud splattered the walls.
I forgot to take my meds last night so my head was ringing with a headache.
When I finally got to work, I put on my make up and felt a little better. Then. A phone call comes in, my coworker telling me that my superintendent didn't feel like answering the phones and wants me to work at his building to come do it. WTF!!!!
So it's pouring rain. I'm low on fuel and do not have anymore room in my budget for it. But now I have to use even more gas just to get to a workplace where some lazy ass doesn't feel like stepping up and answering phones. Should I also make him some damn coffee and wipe his ass for him?
I decided that for the first time, I want to have a cigarette in the morning. Normally, I'll have one at lunch. MAYBE even one at night after the kids are asleep. It's just an indulgence. Not a habit. It doesn't control me. But today. Today I wanted one in the morning. I really hate the smell of cigarettes. Especially when it's on my clothes. It's disgusting. I smoke the grape flavored ones so it's not that bad. But still. I didn't care.
So I put on my great big jacket with the hoodie on it. And I realize as it's pouring out. I am wearing my ex's jacket!!! We have the exact same jacket and we both used ours for rainy days. I guess during the move, I accidentally packed it thinking it was mine.
So somewhere his poor non-childsupport-paying-constantly-lying-narcissistic ass is walking around without his precious jacket. You know, I always avoid thinking negative thoughts of him. Anytime I'm strapped for cash and having to ask family for diaper or formula money, I refrain from talking or even thinking badly about him. But today, just knowing that I caused him to be jacket-less and not even on purpose, it just made me smile. I was giggling about it for just a couple of minutes and then had to tell myself that I can only be evil for a short while.
I guess sometimes you just need a teeny bit of wickedness to lift your mood.
J.Shine

1 comments:

Post a Comment