Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Getting Out There

I think it's time this single mama gets put back on the market.  I figure, I'm a pretty good date.  I clean up nice, have a pretty fun personality, I've got good qualities.  Why not put myself out there?  It would be nice to have someone to talk to and laugh with.  I just have to remember how to do this.

So I started talking to someone.  He's a single dad too.  Two kids who live with him full time.  He owns his own business and loves to be outdoors.  He seems very nice and I can't help but feel excited.  I'm not very quick to get hooked on someone, which I think is a good thing.  But it's still exciting to meet someone new.  So even if it doesn't work out or we're not compatible... or he's crazy... I know I can walk away at least knowing I gave it a shot.

I know how to look for the red flags, which used to be my downfall.  I think my biggest struggle is not running away before I get to actually know him.  So this will be an interesting adventure for sure. 

So for all you single moms out there who are getting your feet wet in that dating pool, I'd like to list some red flags that you have to be aware of and heed.  Plus, it'll help me remember while I'm out there, too!

How Do You Know When To Walk Away?

1.  He lets you know all about him by spilling his broken heart stories.  He's such a good guy, why can't he find the right girl? Everyone just keeps cheating on him no matter how good he treats them.  Aww, woe is him.  Nope.  He has issues he needs to work on and unless you're dying to mend someone else's broken heart, I'd turn the other way.

2.  He is super clingy.  If he calls or texts you to wish you a good morning, that's nice.  But if he is constantly texting you and gets annoyed that you aren't always texting right back even though you do have a full time job or are busy with kids, run fast.  This is not a good sign and is actually a sure sign that he has control issues.

3.  He glorifies his mother.  Now don't get me wrong, we all love a man who loves his mother.  But if he reveals either right away or somewhere down the road that he is totally committed to her ... kind of like one would be committed to a wife... just drop him.  And fast.  A mama's boy will never change.  She will always be at the top of his list and you will never light a candle to her.  You don't want a boy, you want a man, right?

4.  He can't wait for you to pause while you're talking so he can tell you what's on his mind.  Of course, during a conversation, it's a two-way thing.  You want feedback and you want participation.  But if he's biting his nails to get his two cents in all the time, it's a sign that he's not really interested in what you have to say and more interested in you listening to what he has to say.

5.  He quickly talks about sex.  He talks about how it's "all about you" and that he's a "pleaser."  Step on the brakes now.  In the dating stage, your focus should be getting to know someone BEFORE you hit the bedroom.  A man should be interested in you, your personality, your strengths and weaknesses, what makes you YOU and what makes you special.  He should actually like you as a person, not as an object.  You're much more valuable than that.  Don't give in.  Walk away.

6.  He's a little too private with his phone.  If he's constantly placing his phone face-down so you won't see the caller ID, I'd be a little suspicious.  But if he's really quick to pick up the phone and rushing to another room to answer it, red flag.  

7.  Speaking of phones, if he's a phone-a-holic, you will have to ask yourself if you think he's worth it.  If he's constantly on Facebook, texting friends, or checking e-mails, chance are he's not that into you. 

Now, I've listed red flags to look for in a man.  You've got to make sure you aren't doing any of those things, too.  If you're doing any of those things I just listed, you really have to work on them.  Guys look for red flags too and they run FAST.  In fact, they're much better at that than we are. 

I'll be posting a blog about relationships and the things we do to destroy them, intentionally or unintentionally.  Keep an eye out!


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