Remember This Pain

You have never loved unless you've sacrificed.

Anyone can feel the emotion of love.  But love is so much more than an emotion.  It is an act.  And when you love, truly love, you will sacrifice.  And when you love and the love is not returned in action, you will hurt.  It can hurt badly.

I spoke to a very trusted and wise friend of mine about a recent breakup.  I explained the reason for the breakup and why I felt so hurt about it.  He hugged me and listened as I spoke.  And then he shared wise advice.  "Remember this pain, darling.  Raise your sons in a way that will best teach them not to cause such pain."  It is one of the wisest pieces of advice I could've ever received.

We parents have a tendency to raise our children in a way that benefits ourselves.  Many women raise their sons to please their mothers so much that those boys cannot, as men, even detach themselves from her apron strings.  Many parents raise their children with the intent on having their children pay them back as they're older when really, they should've given them "a good life" simply because they are their parents.  

With each failed relationship, I take the pain and use it as a lesson to learn how to choose better partners.  But sometimes after a breakup, I forget that I am raising sons.  I am raising boys who will be men one day and will one day love someone.  When my friend told me to remember my pain, he didn't say to remember my pain for me.  He said it for the women my boys will date or marry one day.  How insightful.  How right.