Das Boots! 29 Jan 14

Today's Blurb
Tomorrow is Caden's 7th birthday.  I'm letting him ditch school (he's only had one other missed school day this academic year so I don't feel so bad) and the three of us are going to spend the day celebrating.  We have a birthday tradition, which the boys started all on their own.  The birthday boy gets to decide if the non-birthday boy can get a gift as well.  It's their way of being able to share the day without jealousy.  I had no part in this decision.

Well, tonight, Caden asked me if Sean could get two toys instead of one.  The birthday boy gets four and the non-birthday boy gets one.  I told him, "Caden, the rule is that Sean can only get one."

He looked a little sad and said, "Well, what if I get just three and Sean can get two?"

I thought about this, a bit puzzled at what he was saying.  "Caden, you understand that you can get four, right?  But you're giving up your fourth gift so that Sean can get two.  Are you sure about this?"

He smiled and nodded.  "Yes, that way he won't be sad that he only gets one.  Besides, three is plenty."

I felt my eyebrows draw together in that confused manner.  How the heck did he become so selfless?  This is a kid who bullies his younger brother, gets annoyed with him when he feels as if he doesn't have his space, and can't stand when he is out-run by him.  Yet, here he is giving up a TOY so that Sean can have another.

I don't remember being that selfless when I was a kid.

S'mores for the first time ever.

Cool Moment
Someone paid me a really great compliment today.  I was told that I should be a model because of my facial features.  How the heck did I get so lucky to have been told such a thing?  Needless to say, I have been really needing a pick-me-up lately.  Been feeling a little unpretty.  So this compliment has definitely lifted me.

A more important somebody (ahem... Caden) gave me a great compliment as well:

Caden: Mommy, I'm about to pay you a compliment.

Me:  Oh really?  Okay, what's your compliment?

Caden:  I love you more than water.

Let's hope he really really loves water.  :-)

Relationships

Trying to rock those grays.

You know, nothing's really going on in the romance department.  I've made a single dad friend who I hang out with.  We let the kids play while we talk grown up stuff.  I also keep in touch with an ex-boyfriend whom I've managed to have kept a friendship with.  He's 52 and wonderful.  There could be something potential still there, but he's got some stuff he needs to work out which caused us to end the relationship a year and some change ago.  Nothing bad, but he's got a major life decision he needs to make and without that decision, we can't really move forward.  So for now we're enjoying our friendship and keeping things sweet.  Looks like my Valentine's Day will be another lonely one.  Maybe I should send myself flowers.

If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.

-- Dolly Parton

I love this lady.

Random Photos

When I got out of my car at the Youth Center to pick up Caden, 

a gorgeous buck was walking around.

I had to stalk him just a little.

Creative Nonfiction

Amber Still

by Jasmine Shine 

AKA

Lucy Diamond/Sibyl Vane/whatever else I use online

We stood there for what seemed like a lifetime, staring at each other with our minds racing. Our breaths were one, a steady rhythm purposely designed to disguise our inner panic. Even the wind seemed to come to a halt. It felt as if the entire world paused, waiting to see what would happen next. Not a single sound was made.

I had just arrived at work after a morning yoga session. For the first time in weeks, my mind was clear. I'd spent nights tossing in bed, disturbed by a bout of mild depression. As a single mother in my early thirties, I was hit with a painful realization that I may just be undesirable to men. This rut brought waves of self esteem attacks and I'd found myself weeping when I was alone and a love song happened to sound within earshot. Yoga seemed to have brought me back to center this morning.

When I pulled into the office's parking lot, I realized all the spaces were taken. I had four other options, each would cause me to walk about five minutes in the winter wind.  I decided to take the one that offered a scenic walk.

I smiled when I exited my vehicle, pulled my beanie snugly over my ears, and headed toward the trail head. I stuck my right hand in my jacket pocket, making sure my phone was in there in case I wanted to take a picture. The trail offered a beautiful scene of trees and mountains. I was actually grateful there wasn't any parking at the office parking lot.

The sounds of nature rushed at me and they made me remember the breathing exercises in the yoga class. Fast, sharp breaths as I inhaled while holding the deep squat position and slow exhales as I closed my eyes. In the midst of a gray depression, the exercises pulled me into a place where I was faced with just myself and all my strengths and weaknesses. I remembered who I was and how valuable I really am.

Halfway through the trail, the winter chill nipped at my ears and I tugged at my beanie once again. And that was when it happened. A coyote stepped onto the trail five feet before me. It trotted across, climbed the hill beside me and stopped. We both froze as we realized what had just happened.

My mind raced, searching through that mental checklist we are all supposed to keep that told us what to do when we encounter wild animals. I remembered that for bears, I'm supposed to pretend to be dead. But what was I supposed to do for coyotes? Do I just keep walking? Do I scream at it and wave my arms to make myself appear larger?

As I asked myself these questions, the coyote seemed to also contemplate his next actions. I paused in my thoughts and actually looked at him. He was as big as an average sized dog. He blended in with the woods. Mange had taken over the majority of the back half of his body. His tail resembled that of a rat. And he looked a little thin. What really captured me, though, was his eyes.

They were a brilliant amber that shone in the sun and it almost looked as if I was looking into a pair of amber stones. Wild eyes. They burned holes in me as he stared and I realized he was in a state of desperation. We had a hard summer and the small animals were now scarce. He was hungry. And here I was all alone on a trail he happened to be crossing. An image of him attacking me made me shiver in the cold. And yet, we both just stood there. Silently. Waiting.

If ever there was a moment when I'd regret feeling depressed over matters of loneliness and fear of being undesirable, it was now. At this moment, I valued my self worth. I am a smart woman with plenty to offer a man. I'm a fantastic mom. And I am a damn hard worker. I was not coyote food.

He was beautiful just standing there with his wild reflection of nature. Hungry and contemplative. But I was hungry too. For my life. I stared back at him and stood tall. Taking in a deep breath, I took a quiet step toward him.

Like a dream that ended in a flash when you awoke in a panic, he was gone. His movements made no sound as he disappeared. I stood there, still in awe of my first encounter with a wild predator. I smiled to myself as I turned and continued on the trail.

What an amazing day.

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Das Boots! 17 Jan 14

Today's Blurb

It's my Air Force birthday!

Thirteen years ago today, I stepped off a bus and into the life of the Air Force.  I grew not only as an Airman, but as a woman and as an individual.  I am a mother, a supervisor, a Wingman who can think for herself as a Non-Commissioned Officer.  I can count the number of times on one hand when I swore I wouldn't reenlist.  And each time I did that, I imagined hanging up the uniform and I knew deep inside I just couldn't do it.  I love serving my country and I love the Air Force.

It's a special day and I'm so grateful for it.

Kids Corner

I took the kids to a gaming center where they played bumper cars, rode roller coasters and climbed a big wall. Caden is quite the climber and isn't afraid to demonstrate it. Their faces were red and their hair was all matted with sweat. When we got home, they went straight to bed without a fight. 

Inspiring Quote

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.”
― Bob Marley

Movie Highlight
I recently watched Grizzly Man, a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, a free spirit who chose to live in the wilderness... alongside grizzly bears.  Before I watched the movie, I heard about his story and the negative comments that were made about him.  People said he got what he deserved.  Even I slightly judged his decision.  But watching the documentary made me appreciate what he was trying, or thought he was trying, to do.  He had a passion for wildlife.  He was a troubled person with depression issues and sought a way to fulfill a purpose he believed he had.  In the documentary, you can clearly see his outrage for the human race and his compassion for the animals.  At the end of the movie, I was inspired by him.  Not to go out and do what he did, but to seek my own purpose and to find a way to serve it.  I thought it was a beautiful story and I believe he not only found himself but perhaps God as well.

Current Song Obsession
The movie Grizzly Man inspired me to purchase Coyotes by Don Edwards.  It is a beautiful song that speaks of appreciating the past and finding yourself alone with just the coyotes, a creature that doesn't even accompany man.  It is a passionate song and I enjoy it very much.

Random Photo

I just love this photo of my kids. 

It's not clear

It's not perfect

But it captures the beauty of my life.

Extremely Short Story

Empty Promises

by ... Me :-)

I passed you on my way to the daycare again.  My light turned green and I took the left, under the overpass.  The sky was gray and the traffic was as heavy as it normally was at five-thirty in the evening.  Impatience filled the streets.

I always expect you to be there, under the overpass.  My eyes always seem to seek you as soon as I get under.  And there you were.  Salt and pepper beard, so thick it reminds me of a dirty Santa Claus beard.  Like a beat up, crusty Santa Claus.  Covered in a dusty old olive-green jacket and some torn jeans, I see you shiver in the cold.  You stare at the cars as they pass you by.  Well, I don't know for sure if you're staring at the cars or just staring.  Deep in thought, inside yourself.

Like yesterday, the day before, and the days before then, I asked you in my head, "Why do you live there?  How did you let yourself become a victim to the world in such a way?  Why can't you get a job?  Have you tried?  Will no one hire you?"

I asked you these things as I drove past you, wondering when I'm going to give you some spare change.  I never carry cash.  But if I had some, I'd... what would I do?  Would I pull over under the overpass?  Would I really hand you money?

As I passed you, I focused on the traffic and fought my way to the right lane.  Trying to beat everyone else so they don't cut me off first.  I forgot about you then.  I drove down the street and found myself at my son's daycare.  He filled me with warmth when I hugged him after missing him all day.  Little arms wrapped me around my neck as a tiny voice squealed "Mommy!"  He was the best part of my day.

On the way home, I passed you again.  This time, my toddler pointed at you from his car seat.  "Bye bye!" he called as he waved at you.  You didn't see.  Or maybe you did, but you were too cold to smile.  Too hungry to wave.

Next time, I thought in my  head.  Next time I'll stop.

But I wouldn't.

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Das Boots! 2 Sept 13

Today’s Blurb

Wow.  I have been having a heck of a time waking up lately!  I suck in the mornings.  So my alarm rang at 0430 and I was thinking “Wow, okay, let me get up at 0445 so I can get the day started nice and calmly.”  Nope.  It was 5 til 0600 before I jumped out of bed in a mad dash to getting the kids up and the day started.  So much for calm.  I don’t go crazy, though.  I remember going nuts once and I felt really bad because I was actually mad and the kids didn’t do anything to cause it.  So I apologized to them and told them I was really mad at myself because I woke up late.  After that, I always let them know if I’m in a hurry but I don’t take it out on them.  The boys are such good sports about it. 

On the way to the base, Caden told the car in front of us, “Come on, car, don’t you know my mom will be late?”  Lol.  I laughed and told him, “It’s okay, Caden.  It’s not their fault I’m running late.”  Then Sean said, “Well Mommy, is it YOUR fault?”  Sigh.

Then I got to work (right on time, which is late, right?) and made it to our first-day-of-the-week 0730 meeting.  Somehow I was able to spout off a list of agenda items for the week as if I had been thinking about it all morning long.  I almost patted myself on the shoulder for appearing all smart and on top of things.

Then I had coffee and spent the day typing away.  I even had a chance to make some creative side notes during a long meeting.  At the end of the day I rushed off to the dry cleaners to drop off some uniforms.

The first day of the week is always a bit hard, isn’t it?

Kids And Their Words

Yesterday, I was doing homework on my computer in the living room while the boys were busy building Transformers and creating fight scenes.  Well, Sean really really wanted to show me what he was doing.

Sean:

Mommy, look, Optimus tore this bad guy’s arms off!

Me: 

Aww (obviously engrossed in homework)

Sean: 

No, Mommy, it’s not “Aww”

Me: 

(Turning to look at him)

What?

Sean: 

It’s not “Aww” because the bad guy is a bad guy.

Me: 

Just because he’s a bad guy doesn’t mean he’s bad… guy.  (My Wreck-It Ralph moment)

Sean: 

No, Mommy.  It’s not funny.  He’s really a bad guy and Optimus just tore his arms off.  So it’s like this:  Yeah!  Go Optimus!

 

Movie Review

The latest movie craze in my home right now is Van Helsing.  A little much for young kids, I know.  But that was a lesson fail on my behalf.  You see, Sean came up to me with the movie in his hand (he dug through the DVD binder) and told me he wanted to watch it.  I told him it was scary, and he said he wouldn’t be scared.  So I thought I won when he ran away during the opening scene.  Then he ran away during the Mr. Hyde battle.  Then he ran away during the were-wolf scene.  And then… Dracula’s brides came.  And they looked lovely.  He particularly liked the blonde that said, “Too bad, so sad,” in her sexy Transylvanian accent.  And Sean was hooked.  He quickly got over his fear and now he wants to watch the whole movie over and over again.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know it rocks anyway.  But, seriously?  Do boys really start that young?

 

Random Pic From My Camera

 

 

If you haven't noticed, I just love coffee.

I know as I get older, I will have to cut down.

But it makes everything just right.

Work bosses are tolerable.

Gossipers are ignored.

Life is good.

Highlight Story

We were at McDonald’s yesterday.  It was just the boys, a 1 yr old and a little girl.  Well, Sean decided the best way to entertain a 1 year old was to repeated run across the room and crash into a wall, dramatically falling down onto the floor.  I swear I wasn’t on drugs when I was pregnant with him.  The floor at McDonald’s scares the life out of me.  But that 1 year old sure did have a blast.  As did Sean – I think he just needed an excuse to go crazy.

Current Obsession

For years, I’ve had the Trail of Painted Ponies on my shopping list on Amazon.  I’ve never bought one because I’ve never been able to justify spending almost $40 on a decorative horse.  There’s always something else that needs to be bought.  But The Children’s Prayer Pony showed up on Amazon and I just fell in love.  It’s beautiful.  And he is sitting on my bookshelf at work right now.  I’m so happy I got him!

Go to Amazon to purchase yours!

 

 

Featured Song

I love country.  I just do.  It’s romantic.  It’s fun.  And it’s just plain country.  Trace Adkins is a friggin country genius.  This song, Hot Mama, just makes me feel… like a woman.  What can I say?  Check it out—Moms, it’ll really make you smile. 

 

Featured Book

Silent To The Bone by E.L. Konisburg

This book captivated me from the very first page.  It is easy to read, but man is it deep.  It is about a teenaged boy who is accused of harming his infant sister to the point of putting her in a coma.  His best friend, Connor, doesn’t believe he did it but the boy is not talking.  It is a very touching book even in its simple words. 

Here’s the Amazon review:

What happened on Wednesday, November 25, 2:43 P.M., Eastern Standard Time, to cause Branwell Zamborska to become mute? All anyone knows is that he called 911 because his baby sister, Nikki, had stopped breathing, and when he was unable to speak to the operator, Vivian, the English au pair, came on the line to say that Branwell had dropped the baby and shaken her. His best friend, Connor, begins visiting him at the juvenile behavioral center, where he has been sent while Nikki remains in a coma at the hospital. Working out a code they both can use, Connor begins the long process of trying to communicate with his friend to find out what really happened. With the help of his own half-sister and some canny detective work, Connor uncovers a complex, multilayered tale of human desires, adolescent confusion, and a touch of menace.

In The News

From CNN

Painting bought as part of $46 job lot is a Constable worth $390,000

So this dude bought a cardboard box full of junk for $46 at an auction.  One of the items in the box was a tiny painting.  It hid in his drawer for, like almost ever, and well.... he finds out it's worth more than $390K!  It's a painting done by John Constable.  What the friggin heck.  I'm definitely picking up yard sale shopping again.

Money Saving Tip

Use a calculator while you shop!!  When you have a constant eye on how much you're spending, while you're spending, you become very cautious about your money.  I've cut my grocery bills in half just by doing this.  You'll start to really ask yourself if you really need what you're putting in that cart.  Or if you really need that brand.  Lots of store brand items are just as good-- and you can choose to go with a name brand item if it really means a lot to you.  But seriously, bring that calculator.  Try it.  I'd love to know your thoughts after you do!

 

Random Opinion

Facebook Isn't Everything

Would you say privately to another Facebook friend something you posted on Facebook?  I know, I know.  Ponder that one for me. 

 

I've been guilty of posting a rant about something another Facebook friend posted on their page.  I didn't use his/her name.  I didn't call them out.  But I knew damn well that if he/she read it, they'd know I was talking about them and if they confronted me, all I would say is, "No not you."  We all do it.  But I lost my friendship with someone because we both disagreed with each other about something and we both posted our opinions on Facebook as if we were debating without talking to each other.  Once I lost her friendship, I realized my childish mistake. 

 

It is a common behavior when it comes to social media.  So many people fall into this mindset that just because we're behind a computer, we can't be held accountable for our actions.  But we're wrong.  If we truly love and respect our friends and family, we need to stop.  If we want to be credible, we need to stop.

 

If you have a problem with a Facebook friend, confront them privately.  Otherwise, it's almost another form of bullying.  Actually, I think it IS a form of bullying.  Calling people out on Facebook without using their names is cowardly.  It makes others feel sorry for you and rally to your side and get you to feel validated, but that other person wasn't even given the opportunity to resolve the issue.  You have brought others into your two-person conflict.  The more I write, the more I do believe it is bullying.

 

Look, I love Facebook.  I'm all over it!  It is a wonderful way to connect with family and friends.  It's a quicker way to share pictures and precious moments.  It's a way to watch your nieces and nephews grow from afar.  But it is not everything.

 

Like I said earlier, it is not a good way to vent about things another Facebook friend is doing to you.  If you have a problem with that person, handle it privately.  By putting that on Facebook, you let everyone else know -- and not only do they not need to know, they are put in a really uncomfortable position of trying to console you without getting involved.

 

Facebook is not a good way to pick on your friends about why your beliefs are right and theirs are not.  Everyone has a right to their own opinions, beliefs and values.  These things are part of their character, it is who they are.  Why take that away from them?

 

Facebook is not a good way to seek therapy.  Your friends and family love you.  And it is good to ask for advice.  But if you continually post drama and don't take advice, it comes off as attention-seeking and people get tired of trying to take care of someone whom they really can't help.  If you really need help, seek a therapist.  They really do help!

 

I'm not perfect and I slip up too.  But I believe I have grown from making these mistakes.  And I really hope others do too.  If we truly want happiness, it is in our own hands.  We can change our lives.  Others cannot do this for us.

 

I guess I'll end this on an inspirational note with a quote from Thomas Chalmers:

The grand essentials of life are something to do, something to love, something to hope for.

 

Goodnight all.

Combat Boots Mama

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Das Boots! 1 Sep 13

Holiday
Labor Day started off funny this morning.  First, Bruce decided to chase bunnies on his morning walk.  The bunnies around the apartment are hilarious.  They aren't scared of anything and when Bruce chased them, they ran until he was at the end of his leash and then they just sat there staring at him.  I just know they were laughing. 

We're going to stay home today and clean the apartment.  The boys are happy with that as long as I let them out to play.  Then we'll be doing grocery shopping... if anything is open on Labor Day.  So in summary, we're not doing anything special but we're happy with that.

Bentley's Back

Bruce ate Bentley's food (Bentley is back for a week) and Bentley got all mad and stayed in the kids' room.  Poor guy.  He's probably thinking, "I HATE that guy."  Then Bruce sulked around the living room because I scolded him.

Movie Review

The kids and I watched Epic, which is an AWESOME movie.  I just love it!  The graphics were beautiful and the characters were great.  Ronin, the commander of the leafmen, is my favorite.  Beonce did a great job in her Queen character, too.  And to be honest, after watching this movie, I found it a little hard to step on the grass. 


Ferret Story
So, we're cleaning the home today.  The ferrets will be released and free to terrorize all as soon as the cleaning is over.  Well in the living room and dining room anyway. 

I've learned that putting a baby gate up to block off the kitchen only keeps the dog out.  The ferrets have found a way in.  Squish and Carrot squeeze their little bodies through the gate and Sammy climbs over it.  I can't win.

Highlight Story
Last weekend, my brother took the boys to a playground.  Caden sat on the spinning seat and spun and spun and spun.  Until he got sick.  He walked around like a drunken zombie and had to lay in my lap until the world stopped spinning.  Shade and water helped.  And then he got back on it again.  Crazy kid.

School

School has been a little rough for Caden.  He had a friend named Dante who attended the summer program with him.  They were inseparable.  Well, Dante doesn't attend the Before And After program at the Youth Center, so Caden hasn't seen him since summer ended.  Needless to say, he has not been wanting to go to the Youth Center and he doesn't want to go to school.

Nobody Plays With Me

The Youth Center teachers and I have been spending time talking to him about making new friends and adjusting to change.  It's been a week and so far he's been feeling better about it.  He talks about all the cool things he gets to do in school.  So I think he's gonna be just fine in time.

College

As for me and college, my class is going very well.  I got a 92% on my quiz.  I was disappointed because I got a 100% last week but I guess I'll just have to get over it.  I have a Forensic Discipline paper due this Sunday, so I'm researching and outlining.  I have to choose a discipline that interests me.  I'm going with Forensic Anthropology, which is the study of skeletal remains.  This field tries to identify the remains and possibly cause of death.  The kicker:  It requires a friggin PhD.  That is discouraging because I'm 32.  By the time I get my PhD I'll be out of the military, retired, and ... older.  I'll have to find a way to get over this one.

What's Happening On Facebook

From http://rawforbeauty.com/blog/

Since I don't have my own horse and have decided that for now I will live my horse dreams vicariously through others, I follow Equipped Equine.



I follow Hiking Colorado for great information about the trails and mountain climbing around here.  This incredible pic was shared by them from  From The High Country.

What I'm Reading

When I was a teen, I just loved Christopher Pike's books.  One of my (and my lovely sister's) favorites of the author's books were The Last Vampire.  I downloaded it from Barnes & Noble.  Well, on my day off last week, I took a stab at reading it again and I have to say I had a little giggle about it.  The writing is a little on the amateur side.  However, it is still entertaining and I'm glad I bought it.  I love reading old books I used to love!

Overview

At five thousand years old, the vampire Alisa thought she was smart enough to stay out of trouble. But when her creator returns to hunt her, she must protect herself by befriending Ray, the boy who may be her only chance at finding her maker. When she begins to fall in love with Ray, all of a sudden there is more at stake than her own life. Originally published in 1994, this series netted more than 500,000 copies as individual titles and later as bind-ups. This hot new repackage will revive the series for today’s teen.

Source:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/thirst-no-1-christopher-pike/1100671909?ean=9781416983088

Buy it for $9.99

Writing Highlight

I used to write a lot more.  Lots of my stuff were dark, though, so I think it's a good thing I'm not writing as much!  My work can be found by visiting TheStormInside.webs.com.  For now, here's an oldie I did years ago:

Empty Promises

I passed you on my way to the daycare again.  My light turned green and I took the left, under the overpass.  The sky was gray and the traffic was as heavy as it normally was at five-thirty in the evening.  Impatience filled the streets.

I always expect you to be there, under the overpass.  My eyes always seem to seek you as soon as I get under.  And there you were.  Salt and pepper beard, so thick it reminds me of a dirty Santa Claus beard.  Like a beat up, crusty Santa Claus.  Covered in a dusty old olive-green jacket and some torn jeans, I see you shiver in the cold.  You stare at the cars as they pass you by.  Well, I don't know for sure if you're staring at the cars or just staring.  Deep in thought, inside yourself.

Like yesterday, the day before, and the days before then, I asked you in my  head, "Why do you live there?  How did you let yourself become a victim to the world in such a way?  Why can't you get a job?  Have you tried?  Will no one hire you?"

I asked you these things as I drove past you, wondering when I'm going to give you some spare change.  I never carry cash.  But if I had some, I'd ... what would I do?  Would I pull over under the overpass?  Would I really hand you money?

As I passed you, I focused on the traffic and fought my way to the right lane.  Trying to beat everyone else so  they don't cut me off first.  I forgot about you then.  I drove down the street and found myself at my son's daycare.  He filled me with warmth when I hugged him after missing him all day.  Little arms wrapped me around my neck as a tiny voice squealed "Mommy!"  He was the best part of my day.

On the way home, I passed you again.  This time, my toddler pointed at you from his car seat.  "Bye bye!" he called as he waved at you.  You didn't see.  Or maybe you did, but you were too cold to smile.  Too hungry to wave.

Next time, I thought in my head.  Next time I'll stop.

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