When You Can't Help the Way You Want To

8 Nov 2010

We go to the orphanage quite often.  We visit the kids, socialize with the staff and donate goods to help support the kids.  I’ve already blogged about the orphanage so I won’t go into what we do all over again.  But I just find it lingering in my little heart to talk about something that haunts all of us who visit with the kids.  The desire to bring one or more home with us.

It’s not like a humane society where we look in the windows and say “Ooh I want THAT one!”  No.  We go there, listen to the stories of each child’s history.  Why they’re there, what they’re great at, what they love, what they’re favorite cartoon characters are, and so forth.  We go there and we play with these kids, we see the smiles and hear the laughter.  We hug them and give them piggy back rides.  And at the end of the visit, there’s always a hint of sadness on their faces as they wave goodbye.

Last week, a few of us went to drop off some donations.  As we were in the main reception, I heard faint giggling and whispering.  When I turned to see where it was coming from, I grinned.  The door to the “older kids” room was cracked open and I saw about five little faces sticking out through the opening.  Their little hands waved at me and they called “Ahte!”  That means “older sister” in their language.  I quietly slipped away from the staff and snuck into the kids room.

They all rushed to me and gave me hugs, telling me they missed me and kissing my face.  One of them, and I hate to say “favorite” but she clings to me every time, is named Emily.  She wrapped her arms around me with a huge grin and I picked her up and hugged her back.  Just then, the craziest thought entered my head:  Maybe I can adopt her!! 

Then of course, Wise Me said, “Shut up, you already have two!  And no child support!”

I know if I came home with a little 6 year old girl, the judge would probably hand me my a$$.  Two kids are enough for a single mom who isn’t getting child support.  And I know I’m a busy person.  But what if I had three kids instead of two anyway?  I’d still be in the same shape.  I mean it’s one more mouth to feed.  She’s already of school age.  She wouldn’t cost a dime in daycare. 

Now here I go needing to smack myself.  Anyway, I actually asked the lady in charge about her and she told me she wasn’t up for adoption.  L  Her family hasn’t decided whether they WANT her or not.  I found that ridiculous and it actually made me pretty mad.  It made me mad that people could sit around and argue about whether or not to keep their own child.  Meanwhile, Emily is being a friggin angel in an orphanage.  It just burns me up.

Ugh.  I know I can’t take her home.  But that doesn’t keep me from wanting to.  I wish people were better humans.